I Do Love You And I'm Sorry
by x-beth-bubble-x
Summary: Quinn's in a dark, dangerous place,and she's slowly losing her self control, and her and Rachel's relationship is strained. Rachel wants to help Quinn, but will Quinn let her help, or just shut her out for good?
1. discovery

Quinn slouched in the chair, her legs crossed, her head held high. Finn was at the left of her, his breathing irritating her, due to a cold. She exhaled calmly, and tried to pay attention to Puck's guitar playing, but it wasn't working because Rachel was sat beside her practically on her knee, she was that close to her. Rachel's hand was on Quinn's thigh. Her nails dragging against her skin, making her shiver, Quinn had to bite her lip, and hold her breath for a few seconds, before moving Rachel's hand. Rachel pouted childishly, but realised that here was neither the time nor place. Rachel got up out of her seat, and whispered in Puck's ear. Quinn glared at Rachel.

_WTF was Rachel playing at? _

Puck started playing a familiar tune, it began bugging Quinn, the moment he had started playing the chords. It wasn't until Rachel started singing, that she realised what song it was. Feeling awkward, and slightly embarrassed by Rachel's song choice, Quinn stood up, and excused herself. Rachel wanted to sprint after her, and ask her what was wrong but she had to finish her song. She belted out the ballad, struggling slightly, without her girlfriend there to encourage her.

Quinn roamed the corridors; her head hung watching her feet. A feeling inside her was bugging her, killing her. a single tear rolled down her cheek. Quickly, she wiped it away, like it wasn't there. She slowly moved her arm down, wincing in pain. She held the crease of her left elbow, and suddenly she felt this wave of guilt, it crashed into her and she held back intense tears. Quinn disappeared into the girl's bathroom, making sure there it was only her; she shrugged off her sheepskin lined bomber jacket, revealing her bandaged arm. She placed her jacket on the counter top, opened the inside pocket, and took out a small pocket knife. She placed it onto the counter, and slowly, carefully took off the bandage. She grimaced at the sight of her arm. She took the pocket knife into her hand, looking at the blade that glistened in the bathroom light. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, and concentrating on her own face, she sliced her arm, cutting deep. Blood was pouring down her arm. Just as she was about to clean herself up, Rachel came into the bathroom and almost screamed at the sight of the blood.

Quinn looked at Rachel with pure terror, and saw the hurt in Rachel's eyes.

What had she done?

**Please Review, it'll mean a lot to me. Thanks.**

**Any advice would be appreciated. Should I leave this as a one-shot or continue. **


	2. intervention

Rachel slowly approached Quinn, shaking a little. Quinn bowed her head, putting pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. For the moment, she didn't give Rachel any attention, and began cleaning herself up. Rachel, at some point, took over bandaging Quinn's arm, making sure it was sterile at all times. She tried to work through the tears that were cascading down her face. Quinn started to feel guilty; she hated to see Rachel cry so much. Once Quinn's arm was bandaged, Rachel washed the pocket knife, and dried it with her cardigan. Nervously, without a word, she passed it to Quinn. Quinn slipped it back into the inside pocket of her jacket.

Rachel wanted to say something to Quinn, make her realise what was she was doing to herself, but before she could, Quinn grabbed her by the waist, pulling her closer so she could hug her. Rachel tried to comfort Quinn, but something was eating her from the inside.

"Why did you do it, Quinn?" Rachel asked, in a whisper, before kissing Quinn's forehead.

Quinn pulled away from the hug, and grabbed her jacket; she started to leave when Rachel grabbed her wrist, looking at Quinn, with a pleading look. Quinn looked at Rachel with cold eyes, full of anger.

"No Rachel, this is none of your business." She said, coldly, ripping her wrist from Rachel's grip. She pulled on her jacket and left Rachel in the bathroom. She looked at the clock, on the wall opposite her, and sighed with relief. Time to go home; walking towards the school parking lot, she was intercepted by Finn, Santana and Brittany. They all looked concerned, and slightly pissed off.

_Rachel, _Quinn thought to herself.

"Quinn, what's going on with you? Rachel told us about the incident in the bathroom." Santana said, trying to keep everything calm, she could have torn Quinn to pieces but she knew it wasn't the answer.

Quinn just shook her head, exhaling heavily. She tried to walk around them, but Finn grabbed Quinn's arm. Quinn looked at him, glaring.

"Please don't hurt her, Quinn, she loves you." That was all he said before he let her go.

**These chapters are really short, I know. If your reading this, please review, thanks in advance. **


	3. Guilt

Quinn arrived home, and she knew that any moment now Rachel would arrive, in an emotional mess, pleading with Quinn. She wasn't sure if she was stable for all this bullshit. She didn't even know if she _wanted_ Rachel anymore. Shaking that last, painful doubt from her already fucked up head, she ventured upstairs and figured out she had enough time to have a shower and redress her wound. Stripping down to nothing, Quinn disappeared into the bathroom, and climbed into her spacious shower. The hot water engulfed her body, and a little piece of her sanity seemed to return. She was in the shower longer that she initially intended.

Wrapped in a white cotton towel, Quinn stepped into her bedroom to be greeted by Rachel and Santana sat on the foot of her bed. Rachel had her head in her hands; she was practically screaming she was crying that hard. Santana scowled bitterly at Quinn, as if to say 'look at what you've done'. Quinn cringed; she wasn't in the mood to deal with the guilt. It was her only relief, without taking it out on Rachel which she'd done a million times in the past, she'd found a way to express her anger and protect Rachel in the same process, but protecting her was actually hurting her, it was killing her as much as it was much as it was killing Quinn. Quinn grabbed her pj's from the floor, and disappeared back into the bathroom to get dressed. Emerging, Santana had gone, but Rachel was still there, she's calmed down on the crying, but a few rogue tears rolled down her cheek. Letting the guilt beat her, Quinn crawled onto the bed, behind Rachel, and pulled her into an embrace. Rachel accepted Quinn's gesture, holding onto her arms as if for security.

"Quinn," Rachel whispered her voice rough from the crying.

"Yeah, babe?" Quinn tried to look at Rachel, but it wasn't possible with them being in that position.

Rachel hesitated for a second, clinging onto Quinn's arms. Just as Rachel was about to speak, Santana decided to barge in, and the true Santana was visible from what she was about to say.

"Quinn, you need to stop being such a bitch, Rachel loves you to pieces, and you doing this to yourself is going to kill you both. If you really loved her, Quinn, you'd stop."

Quinn, surrendering to Santana's bitchiness, nodded, and gave her a look to say 'please leave.'

Santana picked up on it, straight away and she left.

Quinn held onto Rachel, hiding her face in Rachel's hair, feeling a euphoric feeling she'd never felt before, a feeling of wholeness, happiness, _love._

Without a word, they repositioned so they were laid side by side, Rachel gave Quinn the skin contact she craved to calm her down, and told her about the future they were going to have until Quinn feel asleep. Unable to leave her, Rachel stayed the night, watching Quinn sleep…


	4. i love you

Quinn awoke, to find Rachel was cuddled into her, her head on her stomach, fast asleep. Quinn looked across to her bedside table and saw that it was 10:15AM, they were late for school, but Rachel seemed to be in a deep peaceful sleep, so Quinn didn't disturb her. This was what gave Quinn the strength to carry on living. Carefully, trying to not disturb Rachel, Quinn took her phone off her bedside table. She had three missed calls, and six messages. All were from Santana, asking if she was alive, and well, and if that she knew where Rachel was. Rachel began to stir, pulling on Quinn's clothes. She rolled over and yawned, stretching.

Quinn smiled, she wished every morning was like this.

"I love you," Quinn said, caressing Rachel's face.

Rachel opened her eyes, and smiled lovingly at Quinn, "and I love you too, baby."

Quinn sighed in relief; all she needed was the reassurance. She leant down, and kissed Rachel, not trying to initiate anything because she knew if Rachel caught sight of the clock; it'd be over in seconds. Rachel laid there savouring that morning kiss for a moment; it sent shivers down her spine. Quinn started to act responsibly, and she sprung from the bed, and got dressed into something simple, but made sure it hid her bandaged arm. She grabbed her car keys, and waited for Rachel to get off the bed.

"I'm taking you home, I owe people apologises." Quinn said, when Rachel asked where they were going.

Rachel remained speechless, she looked tired. Quinn shoved her keys into her pocket, and carried Rachel over her shoulder.

"Babe, please put me down." Rachel squealed.

Quinn ignored her, and carried her downstairs, and out of the house. She put Rachel on the ground beside her car, and looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry, Rachel, for everything, I've fucked up and I don't deserve you standing here, right now. " Quinn sighed.

Rachel cupped Quinn's face in her hands, and made direct eye contact with her. The way Rachel was looking at her made Quinn relax a little.

"I love you Quinn; nothing you do and say will change how I feel." Rachel kissed Quinn's forehead, and hugged her tight, and she began kissing the nook in Quinn's neck, until Quinn had to step away.

"I have to get you home, before I keep you forever." Quinn smiled mysteriously.

Rachel grabbed the collar on Quinn's jacket and pulled her closer, kissing her hard. Quinn sighed, frustrated, and pushed Rachel towards the car.

"Not today." Quinn sighed.

**A/N: I'm not happy with this at all, if you want me to continue, please review because I need to know that the people who are reading this are actually liking this. **


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